the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
