a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You left your phone here
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