I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
