I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
