hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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