recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
All the doctor said was why
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
