Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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