Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
