I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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