So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
