I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
