I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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