lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
