Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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