Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
