This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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