tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
smell my finger.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We were destined to go to rehab together
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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