i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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