She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
