im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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