I'm jealous of your bromance
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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