His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
