I think my fart just growled at me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
