they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
