The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
