You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
