Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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