yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
