dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i barfeds in our rink
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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