My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
