How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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