i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
In other news, I just burned my penis
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
