I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And then my night got REAL pukey
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion