You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
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He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo