when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.