If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life