I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.