I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis