Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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