Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so let's talk penis.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
