New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
