He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He kissed a someone with a penis
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
