It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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