a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
