Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
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Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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