it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
