if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Found your dick twin last night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
