xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
