I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
