im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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