butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
