Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm really busy with my period
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