and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Boobs speak an international language.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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