At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
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So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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