I can text with my tongue
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
