Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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