i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize