How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
