Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
