I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i believe in u and ur pee
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
