Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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