Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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