Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
