Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
