Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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