If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
