Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
