So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
