who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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