Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize