Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
