Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
