last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
