After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
