I think my fart just growled at me.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
