Don't you send me to vm
I think I am morally bankrupt
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
