Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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