I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
