It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
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theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize