So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
