Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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