found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
