she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
