Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You made out with two different species that night
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
