My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
