why didn't you poke me back
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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