I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize