He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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