Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
